Release
by Northlane
Summary: He just wanted things to be like they always had been... But they just weren't any more.


**Foreword**: I know… I've been gone for quite some time. I haven't written anything relevant to Evangelion in _forever_, but I'm somewhat hoping to change that. I've just been slammed from all sides with homework, job, and all that crap, not to mention writer's block. You could say that I'm writing this to get back into the swing of things, and be completely correct.

_**Warning**_: The characters are Out of Character. I can tell and there's nothing I can do about it, unfortunately. I need to get back "in-tune" with the characters. That's why I'm writing this instead of jumping straight into the second part of Sporadic Confidence.

**Special Thanks To**: Draknal. He's stuck by me, regardless of how dismal my writing may (or may not according to him) be. So really… Thanks a lot, man.

**Disclaimer**: I don't own the rights to Evangelion… According to one person, I should, just so a story that will _not_ be named, as it is a travesty, and a complete mockery of anything relatively good, could be named canon.

* * *

**Release**

**-**

"He's such an idiot," Asuka grumbled, as she propped her feet up on the couch. Grumpily, she folded her arms across her chest, and growled, "Dummkopf…"

She remembered how his deep, azure eyes filled with a profound sadness as he spoke, and how his lips turned down, ever so faintly, to form a powerfully frail frown. She remembered the slight wobble in his voice as he said the words, "Just… shut up and leave me alone for once, will you, Asuka?"

"I mean, it's not like I was _hurting _him or anything… I just asked a stupid question, and he goes and freaks out like that…" Asuka dropped her hands into her lap, and twiddled her thumbs deliberately. "I… just wanted to know what was wrong, that's all. Is that _really _so bad?! As a matter of fact, that little numbskull should be _honored _that I happened to take pity on his miserable existence, and bother myself with his trivial life!" Her hands twisted into fists, and she struck the pillows of the couch with all her force and rage.

After a moment, the girl shrugged and chuckled, "Heh, what do I care? After all, he _is_ just a silly, little boy." Asuka seized the remote, and turned on the television, in an attempt to distract herself. It was safer to do something mindless… something that would keep her mind off of just how _defeated _Shinji seemed.

The young man in question had left the apartment about an hour prior, claiming that he had an important errand to run, though what it was, Asuka couldn't guess.

Things between the pair were as tense as ever, although Asuka would willingly admit (to herself that is) that it was her fault. In fact, it was becoming harder and harder for Asuka to keep up her usual façade, and abuse Shinji.

He was starting to grow on her, like ivy on a surface exposed to nature for too long. Despite his few shortcomings, Asuka truly had begun to admire his positive qualities. Even the shortcomings could be overlooked, since they were nothing incredibly massive. 'His constant apologizing _does _get on my nerves though…' Asuka mused, as she errantly flipped through the channels on the television.

"But… he's not really like all the _other_ boys I know… I know I call him a pervert and stuff like that but… that's just not the way he is." She quickly put a hand over her mouth and glanced around quickly, making sure that her accidental outburst fell upon the deaf ears of the atmosphere.

Merely seconds after she had maintained that the area was secure, none other than the infamous Shinji Ikari trudged into the apartment, slouching as though the weight of the world was on his shoulders. "I'm home, Asuka…" Under his breath, he added, "Like you care…"

It was there still… Asuka could see it clear as day. There was an imperceptible aura of sadness around him that was so strong, it threatened to engulf those who could pick up on it.

And in that moment, she did something that astonished and perplexed even herself. She decided to be nice to him. "Hi, Dummkopf. Welcome back!" Asuka grimaced inside, 'Okay, maybe that was a bit _too _enthusiastic… I've really got to work on this whole "being nice" thing, if I want to get it right.'

"Uhh… er… h-hi, Asuka…" Surprised, he continued into the kitchen, and stopped by the table. "Are you hungry?"

Immediately, she responded, "No, I'm fine." Asuka mentally kicked herself for replying so quickly. 'I'm trying to be _nice_… I shouldn't sound so snappy.'

"O-Oh… sorry…" He hung his head and began to retreat to his room. His place of solitude. "I'll be in my room… in case you change your mind."

Asuka winced slightly as the door shut, and muttered, "That's strike one…"

O

O O

The notes filtered into his head, leaving him with the feeling of being suspended in water. The comforting waves gently lapped at his body, and the warmth soaked in, as though the water itself was enveloping him in a motherly embrace.

Mother…

That was the word that had been on Shinji's mind all day. It was a special day. It was one of horror and sorrow. It marked the beginning of the end for Shinji.

Today was the anniversary of Yui Ikari's untimely death.

"Mother…" Shinji whispered, as he stared blankly at the wall his bed was lying against. Tears threatened to overflow and run rampant, but Shinji wiped furiously at his eyes to keep them at bay, and tried his best to numb his mind, and focus on the music streaming from his SDAT player.

After a while, everything subsided, and he was left with a hollow feeling… a lack of pain, but also a lack of happiness. It was the best he could manage at the moment, and it sure beat the piercing anguish that plagued him.

Mind adrift in the sea of his consciousness, Shinji's thoughts flowed from topic to topic, until they eventually began to formulate a giant picture in his brain.

Asuka…

'What… is she doing? I… I bet she's mad at me. She _always _is… It's not like she would care about how I'm feeling. I'm just an idiot to her.' Dismally, he stared at the wall, lying on his bed.

For some perverse reason, it brought him comfort to abuse himself. It assured him that things were the same. If he kept doing it to himself, when others did it, he wouldn't have to hurt for too long. The complicated workings of Shinji's mind were quite abnormal, though he tried his best to disguise it.

"I _know _Asuka hates me… she _should_. After all… I'm nothing but a coward… a no-good wimp." Shinji smirked cynically and sighed. Everything was right. It was _right _that he suffered. He actually _deserved _the pain that he felt.

'But… But sometimes people are nice to me… even Asuka!' Interceding for his benevolent half, a tiny voice crept into his brain, over the calming music. 'People like me. I have friends, like Toji and Kensuke. Misato cares for me too! See? I'm not _all _alone!'

"I'm so delusional…" Shinji muttered, as he rolled onto his back, to stare at the ceiling. The maelstrom of emotions was slowly consuming him, burning him alive from the inside out.

Torn from his musings, he heard a soft, almost timid knock at his door.

On instinct, Shinji did one of the most convincing things he was able to do. He simply rolled onto his side, facing the wall, and feigned sleep. 'Leave me _alone_, Misato… I just want to be alone right now.'

"Dummkopf?"

It _wasn't _Misato. Instead, it was the one person that Shinji would have _never _guessed it to be. '…Asuka? What does _she _want? She's probably just going to yell at me…' Shinji sighed and curled up ever so slightly, into a defensive position.

"I know you're in there, idiot. I _saw _you walk into your room."

Shinji flinched as he heard the door slide open. He quickly evened out his breathing and did his best to play dead. 'I'm asleep… just turn around and leave, Asuka…' He grimaced and thought, 'Not like she will… She's probably going to use it as an excuse to hit me…'

"Oh… he's already asleep, I guess." Asuka leaned against the door frame, and watched him intently. "I hope his dreams cheer him up…" She took a few tentative steps forward, and placed a hand on his head, gently patting it. "Hope ya feel better, Shinji."

Of course, Asuka would have _never _reacted in such a way had she believed for even a moment that Shinji was not actually asleep.

"…Asuka…"

When the girl turned around, her red hair cascading behind her, she caught sight of Shinji rolling to the side of his bed, and swinging his feet down to the floor. At first, she felt an overwhelming rage seize her, however after a moment, Asuka felt only the impulse to sit with the young man.

And being the impulsive person she is, Asuka did just that, and sat down right next to Shinji. "Yeah? What do you need?"

"Why…? Why are you doing this to me?!" He sat quietly, with his hands clenching into and out of fists. "Why do you have to screw with my head so much, huh?! What are you trying to do to me, Asuka?!" He clutched at his body as though he was in pain, and his voice seemed borderline hysterical as he hopped to his feet, waving an accusative finger at the German girl, "Hate me! Why won't you just hate me like you always do? Hate me for what I am! Hate me for what I'm _not_! But damn it, just hate me with _everything!_" Tears were dripping down in rivulets on his face, and he slowly slumped to his knees, his crying muffled by his hands. "J-Just t-t-treat me like I _deserve_ t-to be tre-treated…"

"I am." That was Asuka's only response as she slipped down to the floor next to him, and gently put her arms around the young Eva pilot.

Shinji melted against her, burying his face into her shoulder as he wept. He was unsure of why his emotions surged up and overflowed so violently. Normally the anniversary of his mother's death was handled reasonably well, despite a few moments of crying. However, regardless of how his day had gone, it was getting better, as he clutched and held tightly to Asuka, finding solace in her warm embrace. Broken and worn down, Shinji relinquished himself into the girl's hands. He was not running away.

Asuka held on tightly, and rubbed his back, as she patted her roommate's head gently. "Right now, I'm finally treating you how you _should _be treated… like a person… a friend."

* * *

**Author's Notes**: Well, there you have it. Don't expect anything more to come of this thing… If I'm feeling _incredibly _rusty, I may do one more chapter, but that's about it, and I wouldn't bank on that one. As I said earlier, this is just a pre-game warm-up. I've got to get back into shape, textually, so that I can do what I've been meaning to for a _long _time… A follow up to Sporadic Confidence, which I ended very quickly… and very crappily, I might add. 


End file.
